Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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