I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
