census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
