We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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