is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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