Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I'm gonna have a badass scar
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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