I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
