Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
