every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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