my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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