We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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