dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
