mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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