I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
