I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
