Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Four minutes until I can fart!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
