true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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