No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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