I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
