Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
MIDGETS
????
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
