He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize