some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
