I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
zippers are such a cool invention
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Randomize
