I swear she didn't look like that last week.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
