also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize