I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
