there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
