Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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