Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(270): View more from Kentucky

If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.

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(813): View more from Florida

That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.

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(210): View more from Texas

Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?

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(509): View more from Washington

I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.

(609): View more from New Jersey

That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?

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(613): View more from Ontario

Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.

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(708): View more from Illinois

Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.

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(574): View more from Indiana

dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand

(1-574): View more from Indiana

There is no way that actually happened!

(574): View more from Indiana

the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.

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