96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
