He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
