I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
