is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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