Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
