Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Randomize
