did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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