We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
