Who wears a wallet chain?!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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