You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
