i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Edward fifth and chaser hands
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
