OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
honey bunches of taint.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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