I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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