Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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