Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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