Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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