he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
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