Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
My life is pants optional.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
