Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize