your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
