All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
