Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
