I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
