just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I wish there were birth control emojis
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Randomize