I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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