You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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