are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
