Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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