thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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