are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
