Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
This house was built for laser tag.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Sorry about my life...
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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