How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
