Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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