i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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