I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
