I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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