So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
