i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
