Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
