I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
