i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
