i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize