Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
