Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize