Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
