just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
