I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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