At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I believe in your delicious
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
