based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
