she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i dont even know how to be here
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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