You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
