that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
