see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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