I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
