Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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