shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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