i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
