he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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