she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Randomize
