She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
so much tequila, so little girl.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
