you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
