Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
