Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
