They should really pass out barf bags in church
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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